Maybe…

 A stream of shattered morning light broke its way forcefully through the misplaced blinds into Emmie’s room.It kept creeping inside little by little gaining more and more intensity as the day moved ahead until it reached her bed. There it started a pleasant journey where it rose slowly slowly drawing a white light line on the white bed sheet up her curly brown hair turning it momentarily into golden up her soft silky white cheek all the way until it started teasing her eyes.Emmie began to feel the discomfort of the light in her eyes and started to shake her head .But then she surrendered again to sleep and was still.The stream gave it another try and she moved her head again but this time far deeper in the pillow away from the light.The stream gathered forces again and kept crawling again to reach her eyes’ new spot. She seemed gorgeous ,no she was gorgeous but she also seemed tired,unrested,and exhausted both internally and externally the way her face looked and her limbs were sprawled on the bed. This time she squinted her eyes while opening them and moved her wrist to cover her face while she sighed a groan of tireness.The streams non faltering efforts seemed to be succeeding.She opened her eyes completely,and started looking at the source of the light.For a moment she felt in complete oblivion to where she was.Her body ached ,every inch of it and she only enjoyed a delicious moment of amnesia before it struck her so violently…the memory of what happened yesterday.Her body ached now but worse and worst was the pain in her heart.She watched the ceiling above her.She felt impotent ,empty and with no energy of whatever kind.For a moment she felt almost paralysed from the neck down.She moved her head towards the left watching the increasing accumulation of light photons in the room through the blinds.She closed her eyes and silent tears started pouring from her eyes.Silent but dense,the tears of the two eyes mixed together at their sink in the white pillow.She felt the warmth of the tear pond on the left side of her face.She was sobbing in agony and pain deep pain.It was a while before she had the strength to turn her body to the left and then sit down on the side of the bed.She watched the room around her and watched her white strapless sleeping gown and watched her very feminine bare feet.She took a deep breadth and sniffled.Watching ,only watching was what she seemed capable of doing at least at this moment.She felt estranged,bewildered,and distant at the depth of her room and her own self….things appeared close and far,real and fake,light and heavy,dry and soaked,emerging and drowned,straight and crooked,steadfast and hanging…memories flashing and fading,alluring and torturing,seducing and disappearing….she wanted to get out of the bed but her feet felt heavy and stuck.A stream of hot tears came tripling down her cheeks again and she could feel its sour taste in her mouth and her heart.It tasted sour and bitter really bitter.She tried again,dried her face with the her gown and stood up.She dragged her feet to the kitchen bar turned on the coffee machine and bent down to wash her face in the kitchen sink.She dried her face with a paper towel and emptied her nose in it.The aroma of the Columbian coffee started to sneek around in the small confinement of her small studio.She was feeling a bit better now ,she poured herself a mug of coffee and seated herself on the small dining table beside the kitchen bar.She held the coffe mug with both hands and watched the steam coming out ,she tried to look through.Blurred ,everything seemed blurred and foggy,…everything…exactly like her life….blurred,misty and uncertain.She sipped a first sip ,kept it for a moment in her mouth before gulping it hastly.Only moments and a second raid of memories struck and she felt the pain again in her heart.No where to hide ,no where to go,nothing to do….again she surrendered to tears.She dropped down the coffee mug on the table and started rubbing her tears with both hands that was only after a few managed to dive into the mug….It was a Saturday morning and what a Saturday morning,one that she never imagined that way…at all…. She touched the table,there was a thin film of dust on top and with her bare feet she could feel a similar one on the floor.Cleaning was the last thing she thought to do at this moment but Distraction ,she needed distraction at this time and she needed it desperately and she knew she is going to need it for a while.She rose up from the table ,grabbed a duster from the kitchen ,tied her hair with a pin and started dusting .Seemed to be working she thought,she was already feeling better.She was feeling better better better …she repeatedly thought ,she approached the big window on the living room ,raised up the blinds and opened it.She grabbed a broom and started sweeping infront of it with her back to the glass.She was feeling better and better and a smile started to find its way to her face when a cool autumn breeze blew its way through the open window into her hair.Then a second one followed and a third one,she felt good really good,she stopped sweeping ,held the broom with her right hand while she enjoyed the touch of the wind on her silky hair.She stood straight and raised her head ,unleashed the pin and set her hair free.It felt good really good and it reminded her of something something very pleaseant .she closed her eyes in extreme enjoyment and moved her head back and forth right and left.She was dissolving in the pleasure of the moment when another raid of memories woke her up with striking pain.She dropped the broom ,turned around in ferocious anger,slammed the window closed, fall back leaning on the window with her back,covered her eyes with her hands and drifted into painful sobbing.Behind her petite back leaning on the window were the relics of a smudged figure that seemed to be drawn some time ago with something inscribed near it…something that appeared like names…two names maybe…maybe… nothing was certain anymore.

 Issam Khalil 14/10/2014