Maybe…
A stream of shattered morning light broke its way forcefully through the
misplaced blinds into Emmie’s room.It kept creeping inside little by little
gaining more and more intensity as the day moved ahead until it reached her
bed. There it started a pleasant journey where it rose slowly slowly drawing
a white light line on the white bed sheet up her curly brown hair turning it
momentarily into golden up her soft silky white cheek all the way until it
started teasing her eyes.Emmie began to feel the discomfort of the light in
her eyes and started to shake her head .But then she surrendered again to
sleep and was still.The stream gave it another try and she moved her head
again but this time far deeper in the pillow away from the light.The stream
gathered forces again and kept crawling again to reach her eyes’ new spot.
She seemed gorgeous ,no she was gorgeous but she also seemed
tired,unrested,and exhausted both internally and externally the way her face
looked and her limbs were sprawled on the bed. This time she squinted her
eyes while opening them and moved her wrist to cover her face while she
sighed a groan of tireness.The streams non faltering efforts seemed to be
succeeding.She opened her eyes completely,and started looking at the source
of the light.For a moment she felt in complete oblivion to where she was.Her
body ached ,every inch of it and she only enjoyed a delicious moment of
amnesia before it struck her so violently…the memory of what happened
yesterday.Her body ached now but worse and worst was the pain in her
heart.She watched the ceiling above her.She felt impotent ,empty and with
no energy of whatever kind.For a moment she felt almost paralysed from the
neck down.She moved her head towards the left watching the increasing
accumulation of light photons in the room through the blinds.She closed her
eyes and silent tears started pouring from her eyes.Silent but dense,the tears
of the two eyes mixed together at their sink in the white pillow.She felt the
warmth of the tear pond on the left side of her face.She was sobbing in
agony and pain deep pain.It was a while before she had the strength to turn
her body to the left and then sit down on the side of the bed.She watched the
room around her and watched her white strapless sleeping gown and
watched her very feminine bare feet.She took a deep breadth and
sniffled.Watching ,only watching was what she seemed capable of doing at
least at this moment.She felt estranged,bewildered,and distant at the depth of
her room and her own self….things appeared close and far,real and
fake,light and heavy,dry and soaked,emerging and drowned,straight and
crooked,steadfast and hanging…memories flashing and fading,alluring and
torturing,seducing and disappearing….she wanted to get out of the bed but
her feet felt heavy and stuck.A stream of hot tears came tripling down her
cheeks again and she could feel its sour taste in her mouth and her heart.It
tasted sour and bitter really bitter.She tried again,dried her face with the her
gown and stood up.She dragged her feet to the kitchen bar turned on the
coffee machine and bent down to wash her face in the kitchen sink.She
dried her face with a paper towel and emptied her nose in it.The aroma of
the Columbian coffee started to sneek around in the small confinement of
her small studio.She was feeling a bit better now ,she poured herself a mug
of coffee and seated herself on the small dining table beside the kitchen
bar.She held the coffe mug with both hands and watched the steam coming
out ,she tried to look through.Blurred ,everything seemed blurred and
foggy,…everything…exactly like her life….blurred,misty and
uncertain.She sipped a first sip ,kept it for a moment in her mouth before
gulping it hastly.Only moments and a second raid of memories struck and
she felt the pain again in her heart.No where to hide ,no where to go,nothing
to do….again she surrendered to tears.She dropped down the coffee mug on
the table and started rubbing her tears with both hands that was only after a
few managed to dive into the mug….It was a Saturday morning and what a
Saturday morning,one that she never imagined that way…at all….
She touched the table,there was a thin film of dust on top and with her bare
feet she could feel a similar one on the floor.Cleaning was the last thing she
thought to do at this moment but Distraction ,she needed distraction at this
time and she needed it desperately and she knew she is going to need it for a
while.She rose up from the table ,grabbed a duster from the kitchen ,tied her
hair with a pin and started dusting .Seemed to be working she thought,she
was already feeling better.She was feeling better better better …she
repeatedly thought ,she approached the big window on the living room
,raised up the blinds and opened it.She grabbed a broom and started
sweeping infront of it with her back to the glass.She was feeling better and
better and a smile started to find its way to her face when a cool autumn
breeze blew its way through the open window into her hair.Then a second
one followed and a third one,she felt good really good,she stopped sweeping
,held the broom with her right hand while she enjoyed the touch of the wind
on her silky hair.She stood straight and raised her head ,unleashed the pin
and set her hair free.It felt good really good and it reminded her of
something something very pleaseant .she closed her eyes in extreme
enjoyment and moved her head back and forth right and left.She was
dissolving in the pleasure of the moment when another raid of memories
woke her up with striking pain.She dropped the broom ,turned around in
ferocious anger,slammed the window closed, fall back leaning on the
window with her back,covered her eyes with her hands and drifted into
painful sobbing.Behind her petite back leaning on the window were the
relics of a smudged figure that seemed to be drawn some time ago with
something inscribed near it…something that appeared like names…two
names maybe…maybe… nothing was certain anymore.
Issam Khalil
14/10/2014
